⇦ FOLLOW? ⇨

When I look in the mirror I see a petite girl who looks okay and could probably lose 2-3 kilos to attain a more lean figure. My parents think otherwise.

I don't like it when my mother scrutinises my face everyday and tells me that I can look prettier. She looks me up and down and tells me that it's time for me to look more cultured and prettier. The part of my body which she thinks needs the most work on is my face.

It started with my teeth in primary 3/4 and she told me I would look prettier once I had braces. I listened and got braces very early on in primary 4/5, got them taken off in early sec 2.

Now it has to do with my freckles and moles. I thought I was going to see the doctor for a consultation a few days ago and it turned out that my mom nearly scheduled me for surgery without asking me if the timing was okay, let alone whether I wanted to go for surgery/ tell me about it in the first place. She felt that as long as the surgery was scheduled I would have no choice but to go for it.

She completely forgot about the concert I was guest playing with The Philharmonic Orchestra and she was this close to jeopardising my chances of performing because going for laser surgery would mean that I wouldn't be able to leave the house for a few weeks. I am not proud to say this but I had a really heated argument with her over this. It's wrong to not even let me know about it. She wanted it to be 'now now now' when clearly I had other priorities. It wasn't as if I didn't say no, I just kept delaying it.

I've been delaying it for nearly a year because it just didn't feel right.

So, there's a problem. I am scheduled to go for surgery on the 2nd of January 2014. This is my third surgery to remove blemishes from my face. I might have to go under the knife to cut my eyelid to correct one eyelid which has a single eyelid to a double eyelid (one of my eyes appears bigger than the other because I have one double eyelid and one single eyelid). I am strongly opposed to this surgery and I'm still in the process of convincing my mom and dad that I don't want to cut my eyelids.

I guess my sister turned out so pretty because my mom made her go for the same surgeries to remove moles and little blemishes from her face.

But...am I really that ugly? I definitely don't consider myself as pretty but I always thought I was...okay. It doesn't help that even my own mother thinks I can do better in terms of looks.

I love myself and I love every part of myself. Changing what I'm more than okay with goes against all of my principles. I don't know whether to feel worse or better by the fact that my mom feels that I should be happy and grateful that she's interested in doing this.

This battle is a losing battle because even my father has suggestions on how to make me look prettier.