⇦ FOLLOW? ⇨

Practical results were very disappointing. I made sure I put in more effort into my playing, made myself more aware of the different ways I could have expressed the music and let myself go to flow with the music. I tried so hard not to take the 'model-student' approach and go beyond what was expected of me. With each subsequent assessment I have always felt that I have made improvements from the previous assessment, but it is never reflected in the marks.

There was improvement in the comments written but the marks were pretty much the same/ 1 mark higher than the previous assessment.

And yet you try, try, try so hard with each time.

It feels uplifting to complete a performance with a new perspective and improvement from the previous performance but it's completely brought down when, from the examiners' perspective, you have improved but not enough to score higher marks.

I'm not sure how I can improve from here because I've exhausted my existing threshold for the current 3 pieces. I think it's time to leave these pieces alone for the next 2 weeks or so and learn new pieces to explore new repertoire (for myself). I'll come back to them in a while with a fresh new perspective and hopefully by then, there will be significant improvement to the pieces.

Marks are just marks, honestly. But deep down I've always wished that there would be a more tangible recognition of any improvement in my playing other than comments because anyone can say them. In the world of exams, any improvement would be reflected in the marks. Have I done something wrong?

What troubles me is that although I strive to pursue individual excellence in my playing just for myself, to be proud of how far I've come seeing that I've only been playing the violin for 4 years, coming 5, I now seem to be pursuing for marks; numbers on a page. I think it's time for a new perspective.

It sucks how you're never good enough.